How to Heal Deep Seeded Emotional Triggers

Q. How do we heal through deep seeded emotional triggers when they've been practiced for years? ~ Talya – B.C. Canada

A. The most powerful way I’ve found to heal deep seeded emotional triggers is to get really real with myself by asking the poignant question of “What part am I playing in this reactive state to my emotional trigger?” “What am I getting out of this that I am so willing to go into this reaction over and over again?” Once I’ve sat with these questions I can usually point it out to a role in the drama triangle.

The roles of the drama triangle are Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. And most of the time, it is one of the major three energies under each role in this triangle. It is also tied into feeling the need to be honored, being justified in our actions, being heard, receiving some form of acknowledgment of worth, feeling loved or the need for connection with others even if it isn’t positive - it’s still a connection.

There is a remarkable way we can change our way of thinking to help shift these negative energies into a positive outcome. We can start by using the energy of each of these drama triangle roles from an empowered space by asking ourselves life changing and simple questions and allowing ourselves to take action from our answers:

• Victim – What would it look like for me to accept my vulnerability as an asset? How can I use this state of vulnerability to problem solve and be more self-aware?
• Persecutor – What would it look like to be able to ask for what I want/need in a positively assertive way? What would it feel like to be assertive and not punishing in my interactions with others? How can I use my amazing assertive energy to help inspire others?
• Rescuer – What would the shift from rescuing to genuinely being caring look like for me? How can I show I truly care without over-reaching and trying to problem solve for others? How can I lovingly empower others to be their best without doing it for them?

I can also say that for deeply seeded emotional triggers when we get triggered over and over again it is usually from the role of Victim that this occurs. To heal this it is about restructuring your focus from Victim to Creator. There is a brilliant write up on this from a book called “The Power of TED” that was focused on healing the Victim (the bullet points below are word for word from the book). Here is the reappraisal of roles from it that I think are very useful. It recommends that the "Victim" adopt the alternative role of Creator, view the Persecutor as a Challenger, and enlist a Coach instead of a Rescuer.

• From Victim to Creator: A creator is someone who is outcome-oriented as opposed to problem-oriented.
• From Persecutor to Challenger. A challenger is a person or situation that forces the creator to clarify their needs and focus on resolving "dynamic tension" (the difference between current reality and the envisioned goal or outcome) by taking incremental steps toward the outcomes they are trying to achieve.
• From Rescuer to Coach. A Coach is a person who asks questions that are intended to help the individual to make informed choices. The key difference between a rescuer and a coach is that the coach sees the creator as capable of making choices and of solving their own problems. A coach asks questions that enable the creator to see the possibilities for positive action and to focus on what they do want instead of what they do not want.

Talya, thank you for asking your question and I truly hope this helps you. I look forward to hearing from you on how you have shifted and healed from deep seeded emotional triggers in your own amazing way.

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